Really stomach? Really?

I got a little sick today. And by a little I mean I was in the bathroom for at least half an hour expelling everything in my stomach.

I feel find now though...yay? I'm not sure what I got into!!

Ah well, first time in a while =) that's good...right?

B- cheerios and 8 cherries
L- steamed chicken and vegetables and white rice (should have done brown, but I didn't *shrug*) and a fortune cookie
D (which I haven't eaten yet)- Guiltless chicken platter at Chili's

A few friends and I are going to take our high school drama teacher out to eat at chili's. The guiltless chicken platter is under 300 for the whole meal so that'll be fine. It's not the best thing on the menu, but it's not bad either.

Weighed in at 185.4 which is the lowest I've weighed in at since....well probably since i was in middle school. So that's pretty exciting. I just gotta keep it up.

I had a fun dream about shopping for my skinny clothes so that was pretty encouraging.

Still struggling with self image a bit today, but it's still steadily getting better


I'm sitll trying to decide if I should eat a piece of cake tomorrow. I think if I can do REALLY well all day tomorrow than I might have one, cause it's AMAZING (just saying =P)

Anyway, that's about it. I may end up adding a snack to that list of food so I don't pass out during class. Passing out is apparently bad...who knew?!?!


I realize that these are all really random, but this is a nice place to get all of my random thoughts out =)

Mixed Emotions

Today was weird, not bad, just weird.

I'm still waiting for that sign from God to remind me that I'm beautiful. I believe it'll come, I just haven't seen it yet. I probably shouldn't even need the reminder, but you know how it is. I'm feeling better about myself today then I was yesterday though, so that's a blessing in and of itself.

B- cheerios and pineapple
L- egg beaters (2) and a piece of toast
S- cup of pretzels
D- 1/2 PBJ and a glass of milk

That almost doesn't seem like enough but I don't feel hungry so I guess it was? I mananged to take a metformin with that dinner and not get sick =)

Sorry, I realize this isn't coherant but I told myself I'd try to update everyday so here ya go

G'night!

Reason #1 that I shouldn't stay up past my bedtime

Meh, I should have gone to bed a while ago.

When I get tired I start thinking...and then I don't feel beautiful anymore.

I'm praying that God sends me something tomorrow to brighten my spirits.

Stupid Tummy!!

Dinner went over pretty well last night. I've made better, but it wasn't bad spaghetti. The pie was alright as well. Not fantastic but all things considered, it turned out alright.

This morning however, my tummy decided to rebel!!! Oh my goodness did it ever. I didn't even get that sick, but the pains in my stomach this morning were debilitating. They're mostly gone now, praise God. I'm not sure if it was something I ate or the tension in my body or what. I'm just prayign that they stay away.

I weighed this morning at 187....I'm going to say it's water weight because if I've really gained a pound and a half i'm going to cry!! I still feel like I've lost a bit of weight. Pants fitting loser and all of that fun stuff.

Sorry, my brain is all over the place this moring! I think i'm going to go find food, but I'll update with a real post tonight

Yay for Fridays!!!!!!

Today is Friday =)

I can't remember if I posted my intake yesterday or not, and I'm too lazy to go look so here ya go:

B- cheerios
L- salad (lettuce, blueberries, pineapple, and some other fruit, and poppy seed dressing)
S- fat free frozen yogurt
D- tacos (basically meat and cheese and a shell)

I guess I can go ahead and type in today's since I know what's for dinner

B- cheerios and strawberries
L- 1/2 PB&J, 1 oz pretzels (about 15), and strawberries
D- spaghetti (made by me, thank you very much =P) and that key lime pie that I made last night. I'm making rolls but I don't know if I'm going to have one or not. oh! And some salad.

My emotions are much better than last night. I still go through short bursts of wanting to punch someone in the face, but overall its much more even keel. I keep trying to focus on me and what I need to be doing right now. I feel kind of selfish doing that, but I feel like I need to start taking care of myself more than I am.

Anyway, I guess I'll go take a shower so I can get dressed, and cook, and work on homework, and clean and stuffs

Bye!

Internet's Back =D

Today has been weird. Started off by finding out that I've lost a few pounds this week. I'm down to my lowest weight again- 185.8 =)

Then I got a message from my roommate last year telling me that she wasn't coming down....again.

Then I got depressed, but snapped out of it pretty quickly.

Ran a crap load of errands including running by a place we were considering for the wedding (yes the one that isn't happening for like 2 years =P) and buying the cutest piggy bank ever!!!

Went to class and came home and ate dinner.

Made dessert for tomorrow. I did some modifications and made it under 100 calories a slice =) I'm pretty excited. It's not half bad if I do say so myself- it's even sugar free!!

Anyway, I'm feeling the depression coming in and I'm not in the mood, so good night!!

Contined

Today was pretty good over all. Got up, walked, ate, went on a 2 hour car ride in mom's convertible to get some sun (and amazingly I didn't burn...we're ignoring the fact that I covered myself in sunscreen every 15 minutes) and I got a little bit of a tan started, ate lunch (1/2 grilled chicken wrap, diet DP, and small order of tater tots...I know, but they sounded so damn good!!!!!), promptly got sick from lunch (damn tater tots!!), started my project, finished my project, filled out my W4 so I can get payed, ran home and picked up my project, presented my project (kicked butt and got a 100 =D), ate dinner (protein bar), watched a bit of TV and here I am

I don't think I ate quite enough today, but I'll do better tomorrow. Maybe I did eat enough...? I don't know, but my blood sugar was way off today, so I'll have to figure out a different approach to eating so I don't get so dizzy and light headed.

Depression is kind of weird right now, but it's not bad (Praise the Lord!!). For the most part it's been great so far this week. I had a bit of a problem tonight when I was starting to unwind, but I talked myself out of it for the most part. So it's definitely there, but not as bad, which means I don't have to fight as hard. I'm hoping the more I exercise and eat right, the better it'll get. We'll see.

Well it's my bedtime =)

SO TIRED!!!

I'm so tired! Our workout really took it out of me, I think because it was so hot!! We did 3 miles in an hour though, so I'm happy. We could have done better but it was so gross outside!!

Anyway, breakfast was same as usual- cheerios and fruit and water.

About to go riding in mom's convertible to get a tan =P

I could really use some encouragement about now!!

I'll update with a real post tonight =)

Continued

B- Cheerios and grapes and some cherries
L-turkey, fat free activia yogurt, and some cherries
S- 1/3 protein bar
D- pork chop, squash, 2 crescent rolls (I know bad....but I needed carbs!!)
S- some more cherries

Not bad, but I'm still pretty happy with it. Praying to God that I've lost weight this week!!

So Far, So Good

Went on my hour walk this morning. Not sure what the distance was, but it seemed like we were going at a good pace. I'm going to try and find my pedometer to take with us tomorrow.

Breakfast was a bowl of cheerios and a cup of cherries (and a grape or 2 that I snuck when mom wasn't looking =P).

Overall the headache is better, though still there. I'll keep taking drugs and trying to keep my blood sugar up. Try some smaller meals and snacks and things.

Mom and I found some really good desert recipies that are healthy. I'm pretty excited to try them out. I actually really want to do some cooking today...and I don't even have fever =P Regretfully I don't have time to do that.

Anyawy, lots of school stuff to do, will updated tonight with intake and stuff =)

Continued

Ate really well today.

B- Cheerios, skim milk, and a pear
S- 1/3 protein bar
L- pita with grilled vegetables and grilled chicken, water to drink
S- fat free pudding
D- turkey and green beans
S- grapes (1 cup)

I'm proud of myself, though my blood sugar has been crazy today. I think my body's just going to have to get used to eating better. I keep telling myself that it'll get better, keeps me motivated.

Depression has been pretty good today, suprisingly enough. I'm praying that it keeps it up. I usually go a few days off and a few days on, but hopefully with the eating right and exercising, the depression will let up a bit.

Starting Again

Well it's back on the wagon again. Got up at 6:45 to go on an hour walk with mom. The weekend's intake wasn't great but it could have been a lot worse. I didn't weigh in this morning, I'm still hiding from the scale. I realize that's not a good thing, but at least it's better than obsessing with the scale....I think?

The depression has been really weird lately. I'm usually fine until about 5 or 6 o'clock in the evening and then everything goes to hell. I'm feeling great now. I'm really hoping and praying that the mix of fatigue and bad eating and stuff was the root cause of this. I'm going to keep really close tabs on it though to see what's going on.

Intake today has been good so far, but it's only 9:45 in the morning. After my walk, I had a bowl of cheerios and a pear. I even took my metformin. I've been avoiding that one in the mornings cause it used to make me so sick. I felt a little nauseated this morning, but after the round of anti-biotics it's not nearly as bad as it used to be. I'm going to try really hard to take it like I'm supposed to so it can help me lose the weight.

I'm still hoping to be at my goal weight by September, but that seems a bit harder cause so many weeks have passed where I've kept the same weight. This was the original plan:
5/31-187
6/8-186
6/14-185
6/21- 184
6/28-183
7/5- 182
7/12- 181
7/19-180
7/26- 179
8/2-178
8/9-177
8/16-176
8/23-175
8/30-174
9/6-173
9/13-172
9/20- 170/171

I'm trying to redo it though to reflect my bad eating over the past few days:
6/21-188 (I'm guessing)
6/28-186
7/5-184
7/12-182
7/19-180
7/26- 178
8/2-177
8/9-176
8/16-175
8/23-174
8/30-173
9/6-172
9/13-171
9/20- 170

That means I have to get my butt moving, but it may still be dobale. I know I can do this, I just haven't found quite the right approach for me.

Anyway, I need to get to school stuff!

Day...??

Haha, it's been a really interesting couple of weeks. I've been really good at working out almost everyday for at least an hour and during the week I eat really well. But 2 weeks ago we were celebrating Ryan's promotion (which involved a ton of food!!!) then last weekend was our 2 year anniversary =) (also involved food, though that one was TOTALLY worth it!!) and then this weekend we're up visiting the family (which hasn't involved much food thus far, but it will....it's my family). I figure as long as I'm working out, the food won't do that much damage but this is the last weekend I can eat like this. I feel like a freaking cow!!

Doesn't help that the depression's been awful lately. I'm hoping it'll get better once this cycle is over, but it's been really weird lately!! It's very up and down. i'll be fine for a day or two and than I'll be depressed for a day or two...it's weird!! Not to mention frustrating as hell. Hopefully today will be better than yesterday was. Most of yesterday was fine, but last night was awful. I think when I get that tired I just don't have the energy to fight it off...if that makes any sense at all?

Anyway, I've probably lost a pound or two so far but that's kind of pathetic if you think about it. 2 pounds in 3 weeks? I'm just trying not to think about it. I haven't weighed yet this week, so maybe it's better than I think it is. I'm so ready to get this weight off but I kind of feel like I'm sabatoging myself. I don't know....I'm just tired and cranky right now. I'm in a hotel room with my parents which is fine but my mother snores like ....something really freaking loud!! haha I fell asleep around 11 and at 4:30 this morning I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. so finally 5:15 I just got up and took a shower. So I'm showered and dressed and makeuped and everything....at 6:30. We're not leaving til 8. I have no idea what I'm going to do until then, but that's why this post is so long and rambling.

I'm going to try to update this think regularly again. It helps me stay accountable and its a good outlet for me.

Anyway, I'm going to go in search of breakfast (though I don't think they open breakfast for another 20 minutes

Day 8

I walked, then i ate a bunch...meh.

I'll update when I have more to say and am in a better mood

Day 4

I meant to update yesterday, but after my walk I got sick again and this time there was blood. Anyway, long story short I have a GI infection. After not eating for 24 hours I'm feeling a bit better. It seems like the drugs are starting to take affect. I was allowed to eat as of noon today =)

Anyway I didn't get to work out today because I was way too weak this morning and I had a ton of stuff to do this afternoon. I got Monday through Thursday and I feel like I'm doing well. We'll see how it pays off on Sunday. I'm really hoping for 187 which will be 3 pounds this week. It would be a nice surprise, but I'm still aiming for 189. I set a goal of 189 for this week, so though it would be nice to surpass that, I'll be happy to hit 189.

I guess that's about it. Next week is going to be slightly hellish so there may not be as many posts but I'll try to get it done. I'm not really sure how the exercise is going to fit in next week, but I'm sure I'll figure it out. I have work from 9-12, internship from 12:30-3:30. and class from 4-6:30. I may do a 30 minute walk in the morning but I don't think an hour is really a feasable option. After this week, I'll just have the internship and class so that'll be better =)

Day 3

187.8 =D Granted that's probably cause I got a bit sick last night but we'll take it.

Ate really well yesterday, and I'm pretty proud of myself not going to lie =P I did the snacks and smaller meals thing, and though my reflux was still there it was a ton better. I didn't gag or throw up once =)

I was talking to Ryan about my medical theory, which he agreed with, but I also told him my non-medical theory. Weightloss is more than just losing pounds, it's a lifelong struggle and it's a very emotional thing. I kind of feel like I'm being attacked ya know? Like everytime I do really well on a diet something happens that causes me to give up. My grandfather died, my reflux is so bad that I can't eat anything but bread (carbs), etc. Do I think that those happened to screw me over? Not really, but I do think that they were used to trip me up. Anyway, lots of praying for protection and strength and all of that fun stuff.

I need to go take a shower so I can go fight with UH....yay? I need a shower anyway, I'm sweaty!!! It's humid out there =( but I've managed to walk everyday so far for an hour/day. It's a step in the right direction anyway.

Day 2

Today's walk kind of kicked my butt....alot. Regardless, it was a good walk and I feel a sense of accomplishment and all that fun stuff.

I feel like I ate pretty well yesterday, but I'm not sure I ate enough. I felt alright until about 8 last night when I got this horrible headache and my reflux kept making me gag and heave. I ate a handful of saltines (whole wheat) and felt well enough to go to bed. Our working theory is that with the faster metabolism (thank you metformin!!) I'm not getting enough food so the acids in my stomach have taken to eating away my stomach and esophagus. I'm going to try eating a few more smaller meals today (as opposed to the 3 square meal approach) and see if that helps. If there's constantly something in my stomach, it stands to reason that the acids will eat that and not my tummy....right? If it doesn't get better in a week or so I'll call up the gastrointerologist and see about changing meds or dosages or something.

All in all I'm doing alright. Eating pretty well, getting my exercise in, getting stuff off of my to-do list =) I can't complain.

Day 1

Well Day 1 is here, and it's going alright so far =) Got up at 7 and went on an hour walk with mom. Got home, took a shower, listened to my Bible and Modern Science lecture, made my ever-growing to do list, and ate breakfast (apple and peanut butter- we have NO food in the house).

I weighed in at 190 this morning, which sucks, but if I wasn't on the metformin it would have been a whole lost worse! I definitely am grateful for that. I'm hoping to be at 187 or 188 by the next weighin. It's always hard to tell on the first week. sometimes its really accelerated weight loss and sometimes it's just normal. We sha'll see =)

Today's to-do list contains finishing my lesson plans, making a supply list for the boss, buying supplies, and going to class. Doesn't really sound that bad. Lesson plans and supply list should take all of an hour or so and I don't have class until 4. A small part of me is contemplating doing some pilates, but i'm not sure yet. I don't really want to burn myself out on the first day. We'll just see how I feel I suppose.

Well I'm off to work on my list =)